So, we have spent the last couple weeks looking at kink, how it is defined, types of play that are out there, and interviews with Clevelanders who participate in the various forms. The bigger problem is where to find information that is positive and healthy, if you want to venture into this type of play. Often times, people will venture to clubs to see what options there are and can get caught up in what is going on before they are ready to try anything. It is good to have someone help you navigate those waters, show you where to begin, introduce you to the options so you have a better idea of what is out there. This article will try to give you a starting place and offer some beginnings into the scene. Hopefully, create a foundation on which to start.

First, we will look at a couple videos designed for the newbie. Someone who has limited or no knowledge into what may be out there or all the terminology. As with everything I post, I ask you to view it with an open mind and without judgement. While these are narrated by heterosexual presenting people, the information is still valid. This first video is about common misconception new people have about BDSM.

This video shows three women (two bottoms and a switch) and some common misconceptions they have seen new people make when entering the scene. They also have a n array of social media to help you out and their informative YouTube Channel.

They next video shows the Top 5 types of play for beginners; this list is based on the opinions of Evie Lupine.

Evie Lupine also runs her on YouTube channel that discuss various topics of BDSM/Kink. She touches on aspects that people may not think is dangerous and explains them in a no-nonsense fashion to be informative as if you were talking to your friends about it.

It is also important to note that while you may be into this type of play that you may encounter people in your life that are not. Or on a different side, have much different kink that you do. How do you handle that, what kind of discussion should you be having? Here is Watts the Safeword and a video he put out called Kink Discordance with Dan Savage. Dan is a well-known sex columnist (Savage Love) that is featured in Scene magazine, here in Cleveland. Take a look at this video for some helpful advice on how to handle the times that your kink doesn’t seem to line up.

I mentioned in a previous post (insert link) that one of the most important facets of BDSM is aftercare. It is oftentimes not discussed or simply over looked. This part of play is what helps reinforce the trust a sub has to the dom. It provides stability and the needed disconnect to allow their minds to process the sensations they are going through. Again, I give you Watts the Safeword and his video Aftercare – (After Kink Care).

The last video I will leave you with, for the weekend, is a 10-minute documentary about BDSM. This video is produced by Danni Bear and the only reason I hesitate to include it is because it does depict some very intense forms of BDSM kink play. If done inappropriately it can hurt someone very badly. Please do not attempt unless you are with someone who knows what they are doing, have a safe word in place, and trust your partner. Use this video as a form of information into the history of BDSM. Ultimately, I am not held responsible for any information or acts depicted in this video.

Sexuality isn’t a topic that, we as Americans, talk about very much. In school it is glossed over in our Sex Ed class, which is primarily left with the biological functions of sex between a cis male and cis female. The emotional responses are never fully explained. Types of sexuality and orientations are left out of the core curriculum with hopes you will get the information somewhere else. Most of what we learn about our sexual natures are left to hurried furtive discussions with our friends, movies that are always jaded to one aspect or another, and the limited knowledge our parents have and comfort levels of sharing.  That leaves us guessing and trying to understand the best way we can, and we fail in our attempts. There is no solace, no one to pick us up and offer us our aftercare. As a society we need to learn to be more accepting of ourselves so that in turn we can be more accommodating to those different from ourselves. Sex and sexuality are as beautiful as they are complicated, it is meant to be experienced and navigated from a place of trust and safety even though it isn’t always safe. We focus on the negative, so I leave you with this statement. Sex is messy, sex is good. Don’t be afraid to explore who you are and what you like, do not let others dictate where your desired should fall.  Get out there and have fun.

Keith Simpkins