In the last post, I talked about the Hanky Code and some of their meanings. Boiled down to basics, it started as a means for gay men to recognize one another and to quickly ascertain the types of sexual activities they liked. Most of which speaks to fetish, in some way or another. At quick glance it would also give you the ability to know whether they person you were cruising was a top or a bottom. For the most part, the Hanky Code has fallen by the wayside, but you can still remnants of it. Men will wear red jockstraps or harnesses outlined in a specific color that others will recognize. Again, pointing towards the fetish arena. After all, it is nice to know that you can identify someone that has similar interests as you by simply looking at them and what they may be wearing.
Fetish is “a form of sexual desire in which gratification is linked to an abnormal degree to a particular object, item of clothing, part of the body, etc.” Merriam Webster defines it as “an object or bodily part whose real or fantasized presence is psychologically necessary for sexual gratification and that is an object of fixation to the extent that it may interfere with complete sexual expression.” We do know that fetishistic behavior is normally in men and 30% of the men polled report fetishistic fantasies. Studies also show that the largest percentage of fetishism surrounds feet coming in at 47%.So, let’s take a look at some of the more common fetishes; Fetishism is when you become aroused by something that has been in close personal contact with another person. This could be clothing, electronics, or any other object. Katoptronophilia is the fetish of having sex in front of a mirror. Perfect for those who seem to be too focused on themselves. Knismolagnia is the fetish of gaining arousal by tickling sensations. A vastly popular fetish, voyeurism is where one derives sexual joy by watching others engaged in intimate acts. One quick search on Google will show you how popular it is. And if you are Googling your desires then you may actually have the fetish of Pictophilia, where porn or pornographic images are what gives you sexual arousal. Try swinging a stick and not hitting someone with varying degrees of that one. Mentioned above, if you have a thing for feet then you are known to have Podophilia, where you are aroused by licking, sucking, nibbling, and caressing someone’s feet. The last two we will mention are much more common than many would like to acknowledge. The first is Urophilia. This is your fetish if you like giving or receiving golden showers. And lastly is, Swinging. Pretty self-explanatory, you get aroused and get off by being with other consenting adults, couples.
Now for a few that aren’t as common as those listed above. Cuckolding/Cuckoldry is the fetish where one receives sexual arousal by watching their partner being aroused by and having sex with another person. Part of the allure comes with associated feelings of humiliation and/or rejection. My Little Pony Sex is a fetish where “bronies” are males who sexualize the TV show as well as watch character inspired cartoon porn. Or, to go even further, dress up and roleplay sexual scenes as My Little Pony characters. Pedal pumping/Revving is a subset of the foot fetish where one is sexually aroused by someone wearing boots, high heels and pumping a gas pedal in a masturbatory manner. I once knew a guy who always wanted to watch me drive my jeep and kept begging me to pump the gas pedal. I never got the understanding of why flooding my engine was so climatic for him.Typically, fetishes do not have a preference to sexuality and are found in LGBTQ and Heterosexual people. That being said, there are subcultures of fetishism that are popular in the LGBTQ community, but in more common tongue would also be called “KINK.” Kink is more about how you have sex as opposed, specifically, to what causes your arousal. Kink uses props, where fetish replaces with props. With gay men, many of the kink fetish scene revolves around a subset of clothing fetish. Here you will find Leather, BDSM, underwear, cowboy, spandex, and rubber. It should be noted that wearing leather does not automatically make you part of the BDSM culture. For many, the act of wearing leather is what exhibits power for them. The smell, look, texture, and how it feels offers a sense of heightened masculinity or the appropriation of sexual power. BDSM can include leather as well as spandex and rubber, from there the specifics can go even further to types of BDSM like mummification. Mummification is where someone is placed into a cocoon of sorts, using products like a body bag, duct tape, saran wrap, pallet wrap, or any other movement restricting substances. Gay men aren’t the only ones who partake in BDSM, though they are the most visible, there are many lesbian and transgender BDSM groups out there. Pat Califia was the first transgender to openly identify with the leather community in 1978. Califia was a co-founder to Samois, a lesbian-feminist BDSM organization in San Francisco from 1978 – 1983.
Under the Leather/BDSM umbrella, there are three types of fetishes we commonly see together, bondage, underwear, and orgasm control (better known as edging). Bondage tends to be more of a dominant/submissive type fetish where one partner restrains the other. It can be accomplished as easily as with the belt you are wearing or more elaborate utilizing St. Andrew’s crosses, straps, and gags. Once bound, you can incorporate other fetishes like orgasm control. Your partner is help in restraint and unable to prevent you from edging them to close to climax and stopping multiple times. Underwear fetish is the sexual excitement caused by the view of person intimate garments such as panties, jockstraps, stockings, underwear, bras etc. It can be two men being close to one another only in their underwear while viewing each other and other forms of stimulation, which in turn can also lead to things like orgasm control. This fetish includes fresh undergarments as well as used ones and for gay men, it seems to have a larger audience around jockstraps. Watching men put the on or take them off, wearing them in some state of undress, and as well as used jockstraps.
More recent times has shown a growth in a fetish dealing with masturbation. Many clubs are popping where men come together with other men, heterosexual, homosexual, or bisexual, to share in the experience of mutual masturbation or just being around other guys having one off. A quick internet search showed that there are also groups of women who enjoy the same sensations. There are organizations all over the country that cater to people who want to enjoy this type of experience, take the group Cleveland Jacks. They are an all-male group who create a safe environment for men to do what comes naturally. If you are looking for leather and BDSM, check out the Leather Stallion Saloon, the oldest operation gay bar in Cleveland, Ohio. They have been the home bar for the leather and bear communities and host for many social clubs, groups, and sports teams. And if you are just looking to see what all kinds of kink/fetish is out there you may want to have a look at The Academy – Cleveland’s Premier BDSM Dungeon and Playspace. The Academy was created as a gathering & play space for ALL of the kinky people and groups in N.E. Ohio and surrounding states – ages 19 and over. It is a safe place to show your freakier side and not worry about judgments from others. You can be as mild or wild as you like, clothing is optional (in the appropriate places). Come out and give them a good once over.
Each of us are wired differently and each of us have things that get us to a point of enjoyment. As long as it does not cause psychosocial distress for the person or persons involved, it can be a healthy addition to your sex life. As with all things, moderation is the key. If you are just starting out in any fetish, be sure you set and follow your limitations. If you are engaging with someone else, make sure there is trust and they know your limits and when to back off. A good resource to check out if you are new to BDSM can be found over on Submissive Guide. As with all things, have fun and practice safe.