***Warning, this post is NSFW and may contain material and opinions that some deem offensive. If you are offended easily, please hit the back button now***
We all have our go to favorites for our Christmas playlists. I even shared some of my favorite 80s Christmas songs with you last week. Classics are good and all, but sometimes you need something to break up the holiday ho-hums. I have did some searching for you guys and decided to come up with a list of some of the most bizarre Christmas songs imaginable. So grab a glass of eggnog, turn on your Christmas tree, get dressed in your comfy Christmas jammies, and enjoy this list.
So, what do I mean when I say bizarre? Some of them will just be who sings them and how the music is slightly different than what you are used to. Others, still, will be just weird offerings that you can add to your list to bring a smile to your face during your Christmas parties this year, they better be virtual because Governor DeWine is watching you. Oddly enough, a lot like Santa Claus. Just be warned that a good many of these you may not want to listen to around those of a more suggestible nature.
Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas
10. Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas – Mr. Hankey. We are all familiar with this song and it is a classic for sure. How can you make that any better, you ask? Have Mr. Hankey and the kids from South Park belt it out for your Holiday enjoyment. Have these guys not cornered the market on Christmas specials? And who doesn’t want a singing turd wishing us a Merry Christmas. Just be sure to clean up after listening to it.
Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer
9. Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer – William Shanter and Billy Gibbons. Ah yes, another Christmas staple. Albeit an American invention, but a great song all the same. We have heard the likes of Burl Ives, Gene Aurty, and all the way to Meghan Trainor singing this lovely ditty. If you want a bit of unconventional style for your song, then look no further. William Shatner and his speaking singing is pretty famous, in its own right, but combine that with Billy Gibbons playing guitar and back up vocals you have a force to be reckoned with. Well, maybe, at least a song you wont soon forget. The line that leaves me gaggin’…”Rudolph, dude. You’re going to go DOWN…. in history.”
The Little Drummer Boy
8. The Little Drummer Boy – Christopher Lee. I bet you are sitting there wondering what the apprentice to the Dark Lord of the Sith listens to on Chrismas, right? Well, it is the Little Drummer Boy. In 2013, Lee decided to release a heavy metal Christmas album that prominently featured this song. That’s right, at 91 years of age Christopher Lee released a Christmas album called A Heavy Metal Christmas. This is a full on heavy metal take of the song with Lee doing his best to mimic the vocals of groups like Type O Negative. Plop down in a bean bag chair, turn on your black lights, and slip a pair of headphones on and head bang the holidays away to this album.
R2-D2, We Wish You A Merry Christmas
7. R2-D2, We Wish You A Merry Christmas – Tony Thaxton. Speaking of Christmas and Star Wars, here is another oddity that has connections to that movie. You read it correct, it is a song wishing R2-D2 a Merry Christmas. It is definitely one of the more bizarre on this list. Besides that one bad Christmas special, that Lucas refuses to accept at part of the universe, I don’t think there is an equivalent to Christmas in the Star Wars universe. I will probably have deeper Star Wars fans contact me and tell me there is one. Either way, enjoy it.
Back Door Santa
6. Back Door Santa – Clarence Carter. How many of you have heard the song Stroking by Clarence Carter? <crickets chirping> Clarence Carter is no stranger to a risqué song. Stroking was about exactly what you think it would be about, golfing. Kidding its about masturbation. In this song, he basically talks about how he is a back door man. What I like about it is the blue sound that he incorporates in the story he conveys to us. It’s a double entendre for sure, but it is also pretty on point at times. Again, this one isn’t for listening to around the kiddos, unless you are really good at explaining around what he actually means.
If It Doesn’t Snow On Christmas
5. If It Doesn’t Snow On Christmas – Joe Pesci, Joe Pesci had a job as a lounge singer at some point in his life. He drew on that time frame and her character from My Cousin Vinny to create this album. You can imagine a guy with a serious New York accent belting out Christmas songs in some bar on the corner. There is an edited version of this song as well as the explicit one. I recommend the latter. To quote the song “If it doesn’t snow on Christmas, how’s the fat fuck gonna use that sleigh…” It definitely gives a lighter spin on the holiday music scene.
Santa Is My Sugar Daddy
4. Santa Is My Sugar Daddy – Georgiana Vagina. Christmas wouldn’t be complete without some form of a drag queen doing a Christmas song. I submit to you Santa Is My Sugar Daddy. This song has everything an irreverent drag performer would hope to convey to their fans. This song is definitely NSFW. The beat has a Latin vibe to it. It speaks of how Georgiana is looking for sex, big dicks, world peace, and Santa’s milk. Georgiana can be found on Facebook under It’s Georgie Boy, They label themselves as a glamour enthusiast and fabulous vlogger. Give this song a listen and let me know in the comments what you think about it? It was a last minute submission to my list and I don’t know much about Georgiana Vagina. If you know anything of them, please let me know.
Oi To The World
3. Oi To The World – The Vandals. There are very few playlists I have that do not have at least one punk song included and how could I not add this little gem by The Vandals. They take a different spin on the classic Joy to the World. They feel if God were to return to earth, the first thing he would ask is where is the Oi he gave to the world. “Oi to the punks, oi to the skins, and oi to the world and everybody wins.” Enjoy Christmas how you choose and know there is a punk song that can match you mood and holiday.
Santa Claus is Watching You
2. Santa Claus is Watching You – Ray Stevens.Ray Stevens is like that creepy uncle you laugh at when you go to family reunions but never get too close to. And this song started making me see how Santa could be seen as a perv. When you listen to his many voices talking about Santa Claus everywhere, it makes you wonder. He is singing this song to his love and using it as a cautionary tell that if she doesn’t hug and kiss him that Santa will see and put you on the naughty list. After all, he says that Santa is the secret head of the CIA. There is even a reference in the song that makes Santa sound like a good ole boy with huge tires on his sleigh. It still makes me chuckle, uncomfortably. Let me know your thoughts on it.
I Saw Daddy Sucking Santa Claus
1.I Saw Daddy Sucking Santa Claus – Blowfly. I will say that this song is probably the most explicit song on the list, as you can tell from the name. This song is a variation of the I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus. It works on the exact same principle. A child sneaks down stairs and see daddy blowing Santa. From there it goes on to describe other things daddy and Santa do together. He then takes pics to use as blackmail against his father. Now, I can guess that there are plenty of us who have ha some kind of fantasy about Santa. Why not, here is a man who’s job is to bring joy and happiness to people the world over. And if you like bears, then Santa has that extra special fantasy factor. Definitely do not let your kids hear this or if you don’t like explicit songs
There is my Top Ten Bizarre Christmas songs delivered right to your Christmas stocking. I hope they give you a different spin on your holiday season. Let me know what you think about these lovely gifts in my comments. Next post we will talk about LGBTQ Christmas movies you can enjoy for the week of Christmas. You can also check out my playlist on Spotify, Bizarre Christmas Songs.
Bonus Bizarre Christmas Carols that didn’t make the cut.
Christmas Conga – Cyndi Lauper
Merry Something To You – Devo
I’m Gonna Lasso Santa Claus – Brenda Lee
Merry Muthafuckin’ Xmas – Easy-E