Moving in together is a BIG step in any relationship. It is when the person you chose to share space and life with gets to see you for who you really are. For some, this can be a warm and welcoming venture and for others it can be as eye opening and shocking as watching medical procedure videos on YouTube.
No matter how long you have dated, you will run into surprises and learn things you never knew. The simple truth is that you dont know the other person and they dont know you, not completely. You have shown them a side, even on your worst days, that is a bit reserved or helped back. You want them to see you in your best light. It’s only natural.
Before we get into the 10 Things That Happen When You Move In Together, let’s look a a few things you should know before you move in.
What you should know first
- There is no such thing as “it’s time” to move in. Speaking from experience, it will come at its own time when things are right. Dont rush it.
- Respect each other’s space. When you move in with the person you are dating, you want to feel comfortable there. You have to adjust to thinking of it as both of your spaces. You also need your own personal space and you need to respect theirs.
- Treat moving in like starting a new business together. This comes down to how you handle daily tasks/chores around the house. There is the roster method where you switch out what you do each time you do it. Or the method where you cater to skills or inclinations. If you prefer to wash dishes and they dont, that can be your thing.
- Dont stop being intimate. Okay, this may sound like a duh kind of thing. The truth is, when you live separately and see eachother on occasions, you take time to make your intimacy important. From dressing up, special showering methods, or etc dont stop doing them once you live together.
- Make a gift routine. Many people think once they move in that there is no reason to try to impress their partner any longer. The opposite is true, this is where you need to focus on it more so you dont seem as if you are taking advantage of them.
While this is not an inclusive list of things you should know before moving in, it is a good place to start. Paying attention to these little details can make the transition smoother.
Now that we have that out of the way, here are 10 Things That Happen When You Move In Together.
1. You realize how gross you both are
This really isnt a surprise. You have lived with yourself this long, you know just how gross, smelly, and more that you are, so why are we shocked when we find out our partners do the same things. It is guaranteed that while you both were dating and on your best behavior that you both probably held in a fart instead of just letting it go. Now that you are sharing personal space with another person, you see all of those little habits we like to believe we dont have.
Maybe you use the same bowl all week and just rinse it out before you use it next. Maybe they let dishes pile up and do a big load later in the week. Whatever it is you realize that you and them cannot be “on” all the time. Just learn to be normal around each other and know that you both are humans that have bodily functions and habits that everyone else has, as well.
2. The Ultimate Best Friend
The one lesson we learn growing up is that finding a best friend is both hard and one of the most rewarding things you can do. It can be your “ride or die” or just the person that helps keep you out of trouble. Guess what, living with your partner can give you that Ultimate Best Friend. You are around this person all the time, you know what makes them tick, and they you. You learn to complete their sentences and realize that this person cares about your well-being as much as you do. (Roommate + Best Friend + Life Partner = Wonderful.”
They become the person who goes with you on your wild adventures and you theirs. You know they will be there for you, in a pinch. A date for movie night, shopping buddy, or just an outdoor adventure teammate. You have each other covered.
3. Your personal space is at an end
This one sounds a bit of a downer but it is really nothing more than an adaptation thing. Sure, you lose the ability to hide away in your bed, in your jammies, crying to Lifetime movies, but you do gain so much more. The problem is that you both now share space and it becomes harder to just go into a room and hide – after all it is also their space, too.
You both need to learn boundaries in this situation. Create personal spaces where you both can tag out to. Make it known that if you are there, you want to be alone for a bit. Then once the situation lightens up, you can either come out of that space or ask them in to discuss further. Boundaries and clear communication are important for this.
4. You both discover what the other truly loves
This could be simple as a specific mug you always use for coffee, items of clothing they wear when stress is high, or things you both do to pass the time. You will learn to adapt to these things and make considerations where you can. Maybe the person enjoys a back rub before bed, you will need to learn to accommodate that in some manner. After all, they will accommodate to your needs as well. (I seem to be still working on this one…)
5. Cooking is much more fun
I learned this one before I moved in with my partner. Remember back to cooking when you lived on your own. It could get frustrating trying to pull the recipe together. Making sure you time everything out just right so you can get dinner completed. Or you just throw a few things together because it doesn’t matter. Not any more.
Once you move in together, the two of you can share kitchen duties or (even better) work together. You now have a sous chef for those pesky vegetables. Maybe you can be the runner to grab ingredients. Or you both can take parts of the recipe to work on and shorten the time to get dinner ready. It definitely becomes much more fun and easier. For us, we cook together to get our meal prep for the week done.
6. Spending Habits and Financial Goals
Living together, one think you learn quickly is how the other person spends money. I am a firm believer in keeping separate bank accounts to use for a great many things while also creating a shared account for joint expenditures – like rent, groceries, utilities, and etc. Comujnication here is essential. Sit down and make a list of all the joint spending needs and make sure those are taken care of first, then individual bills next, and then whatever else comes after.
Disagreements about finances can create trust issues and arguments, if left unchecked they can lead to pretty serious relationship issues. It is imperative that you both sit down toghther and draw up a family/household budget, what is expected from each, and time lines. Doing so can ensure that you both dont feel taken advantage of.
7.Communication is ESSENTIAL
Communication is essential for the relationship, period but it becomes more so after you move in together. One or both of you are going to get mad and even more to the point is that you both may be mad at something at the same time. Emotions come from and feed ego. We think we are the only ones who experience issues and that our viewpoint is often the only correct one. Now that you are living together, that Ego has to take a back seat. If you are having a discussion that escalates to arguing or heated tones. Now you have to learn to step back and analyze whether this is something worth getting upset over.
Make sure to ask about each others day and how they are feeling. Dont assume that they will just know what you are going through. Talk about everything, big or small. Maybe they are having a rough time sexually. Bring it up delicately and discuss it together. Maybe its just about changes to the trash schedule, talk about it. Dont just assume they know or will figure it out. This will lead to more misunderstandings.
8. Decorate Together
They may be moving into your place, you to theirs, or you both decided to get a new place together, whatever the situation make sure you both work together in decorating it. This is key for creating a space that is both “yours.” This could be as simple as picking out curtains or as large as redoing the kitchen. What is core is that you do it together. You both are going to have to look at it each and every day and hopefully like it.
You both can sit down and work on a design aesthetic that appeals and coordinates you both. What is important is that you are creating a space together for you both. A welcoming and loving environment that will help remove some negativity that can happen on a daily basis.
9. Apologizing more
If you have been together for any amount of time then you already know that either of you will end up saying something stupid or doing something irksome, at some point. It is human nature. Maybe you said or did something that was misinterpreted and needs clarity. Staying mad solves nothing and only makes things worse.
Learn to apologize. Accept your fault in matters, apologize for a misunderstanding, or whatever the situation is, it doesnt matter. Apologizing shows you are concerned about their well-being and needs. It lets them know you understand the gravity of the situation and that you want to work to correct it.
10.You learn all these things and build a life together
As all of those embarrassing situations come out, you have arguments, or screw up finances, it doesnt matter, You are doing it together to reach a common goal, building a life together. When you put all of these pieces together, life doesnt get old or boring. Each day offers you something new, a new adventure to share.
Sure, it’s going to take some adjustment, communication, and compromise. You learn to share space and maybe even some retraining to get you both on the same page, it doesnt matter. The journey makes it great. At the end of the day you are coming home to your best friend, hopefully, the one person who understands you. Sure it is going to take some work but life is work. If you want it, then it is all worth it.
Mixing it all together
Yes, moving in together is a HUGE step and one not to be taken lightly. We often think it will be easy to live with someone and we jump at it as soon as we think we are ready. The truth is you probably aren’t. Take some time and learn more about the person and remember that communication is key.
For me, it is great knowing I have someone at home who understands what makes me tick, knows the things I like, and is there to kick my butt when I need the motivation. With a little planning and thought, you too can have a smooth transition into sharing your life with your partner.