Yes, Being Gay is a Big Deal

Sitting in my study, this morning, I have alerts for the next incoming snow-pocalypse blowing up my phone and the birds hitting the feeders outside like Southerners flocking to Walmart when the weather channel even hints to bad weather. But that isnt what has my thoughts in an uproar. If you know me or have read most of my blog, you know that I take being LGBTQ very seriously. There are events in my past that make it personal, witnessing harassment and violence against someone simply because one person didnt agree with how the other was living. Our country was supposedly founded on diversity and the ability for us to believe differently than others wanted us to. So, what happened?

Each and every person, on this earth, is the sum total of every part of them. Their physical attributes, their education, belief systems, codes of morality, and more, all go to make us who we are. Not a single one of them is any less important than the other, change one ingredient and you get something completely different, much like cooking. 

Join me today we we look at Yes, Being Gay is a Big Deal.

1. Instagram inspiration
2. Being gay in society
3. Age bring caution, not wisdom
4. Human nature and labels
5. Human rights for LGBTQ

Instagram inspiration

Content creator, Keegan Hirst runs the Instagram channel @keeganhirst (https://www.instagram.com/keeganhirst?igsh=cDhtbHp4bDMwbzY4) and says that he is the Gay Man’s Coach. What is most amazing about his channel is that it is built with the mindset of empowering gay men to build happy, healthy lives. He gives advice on diets, exercise, dating tips, and more. For me, it feels more like a channel that tries to break down the stereotypes many of us have lived with in the attempt to become better people, towards ourselves and others. 

One particular post stopped me dead in my track. It was a reel that discussed the topic of Is being gay still a big deal?  The video starts with Keegan playing the role of Newbie Gay popping in to ask his counselor a question, is being gay really a big deal anymore. The counselor takes the question in measure and instead of just rattling off an answer, poses questions to Newbie Gay. Those questions are:

• Did you ever feel the need to hide the fact you were gay?
• Have you ever been told you are too or not gay enough?
• Have you ever been told that being gay is a sin, a lifestyle or a choice?
• Have you ever worried about telling someone about your partner?
• Have you heard your sexuality being associated with negative things, being crap, or otherwise?
• Has your right to be who you are, have sex, or be married ever been discussed by a government and can those rights be taken away?
• Are there people in the world right now that are being criminalized for being gay?

Keegan’s counselor persona states that if you can answer yes to any one of these then you should understand why being gay is still a big deal. Here is the truth, not a single LGBTQ person can look at these questions and not answer yes. Every single one of them happens on a daily basis, all over the world, and in many places can result in our deaths.

Being gay in society

It is no surprise to anyone that discrimination run rampant in our world. If you’re beliefs, skin color, sexuality, and even gender do not conform with someone else’s ideals then you become a target. The sad truth is that for many gay men, we have forgotten what it is like being discriminated against on a daily basis. Many of us, white men especially, often have the ability to go unnoticed by the masses, whether by choice or just outward presentation. If you want to find out just how bad the discrimination still is, go out with a transgender friend or a drag queen and listen to the endless litany of assaults being thrown at them in reckless abandon. Or, walk down the street holding the hand of your lover and watch the reactions. They are as ever present as the changing of the seasons. 

When gay marriage was passed into law on June 26, 2015, we were lulled into a state of false security. So many of us were convinced the tide had changed, heterosexuals were acceptive of us, our rights were finally being given to us, and the fight we have endured for so long was showing signs of ending. Then there were those of us that knew the fight was far from over. 

Governments and sentiments change with the flow of power and here we are, almost a decade after its legalization, having to worry if we are going to lose that ability as our President-elect readies himself to be sworn in. January 20th, 2017 saw the induction of the same President who already started working against LGBTQ people. Now that he is set to return to office and has a playbook called Project 2025, we are starting to see just how far our rights can be stripped.

Age bring caution, not wisdom

I turn 52 this year and with that number comes a lot of hard learned lessons. The biggest one I have learned is that if it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck, it is a good bet it is a duck. Bringing this back to the topic, if you look at the legislations being passed around “obscene” information being available to the questions that Keenan asks, you slowly start to realize that it is in fact, not okay to be gay and that it is still very much a big deal. 

I grew up a southern mountain kid, I have seen all kinds of discrimination towards people. I have seen people judged for not having enough money, for not having the right skin color, wrong gender, being born to the wrong family, judged based on mental faculties, sexuality, and more. If there is something that another person can hold over others, then it can be weaponized into discrimination. 

I personally have had to hide that I was gay for job interviews, meeting people, and to just be safe walking down the street. I have been told that I cant be gay because I dont act gay enough and that it is a sin. I have been terrified of introducing  my partner or calling them my boyfriend more times than I should have to count. I have witnessed family members tell me that I am sinner, going to hell, and an abomination for simply being not like them. The same family members who tout how religious they are whil cheating on their husband, gossiping about people, and just plain lying to win settlements in court.  

I came out when progress had started but was slowly gaining ground. I sat in a horrored awe upon hearing about the death of Matthew Shepard because two straight men found him a threat. I have read enough of our history to see our basic human rights being stripped from us for not wearing the clothes that someone else deems appropriate for us and even now, around the world, people are being tortured and killed because they live in a country that criminalizes being LGBTQ. 

LGBTQ rights are being stripped away and trod upon and we have no one in power to help divert it. If we gather in large groups to discuss it, authorities tell us our assemblies are against the law due to not having permits or anything other legal trapping. Homophobia today, is as rampant as it was in the 1950s. And now with porn bans happening in more states, the government theater is poised to make being LGBTQ even harder than before. 

Human nature and labels

Humans have this bizarre need to define things in order to understand them, in respect to their curated world view. What that means is the label that anyone person applies to something or someone else comes from all the life’s lessons that person has had. Their viewpoint, that includes things like education, spiritual beliefs, learned lessons, and more color how we, as people, view the world around us. It is our perception of things. This gets even more murky when it comes to sexuality and gender topics. 

Let me be completely clear here, being LBGTQ is not a lifestyle or a choice and it definitely is not a culture. And, it should come as no shock that it is not a sin. Each of those things are ideals created by us to make sense of how we view the world and what is in it. The sole purpose of a “sin” is to teach you bad from good, end of story. Sure, there is more to sin than just right or wrong, but that is the basics, once it is boiled down. 

Lifestyles are how people, in specific groups, live. Culture is an extension of that, neither of those are descriptive, when it comes to people. They only thing it does is tell you how those groups choose to live and interact with the world. To say we are a lifestyle is paramount to saying that being LGBTQ is a choice. If we have to discuss the whole choice thing, in this day and age, then the topic is moot. No one would actively choose to be segregated against. If our sexuality is a choice then so is every straight person and I ask them to try to choose something different. 

Human rights for LGBTQ

This fight will not be settled by those in power and the groups that are fighting for our rights dont have the power or sway to make all of the needed challenges. But guess what? Hope is not lost. If you are reading this, then you are part of this struggle. Your voice matters and as we all start to hear our voices speak out, we learn there is immense strength in numbers.  The first marches on Christopher Street in New York happened because we decided we had had enough of the intolerance. Harvey Milk led an entire neighborhood in a fight for equality because he saw where things were heading. Every single LGBTQ activist that has ever stood their ground and fought for who they are did so because they saw the writing that was on the wall and the impending doom on the horizon. We need those kind of people, again, today. Each of us are those people, the fighters we need. We simply have to understand that being gay is still a big deal!!

What are your thoughts on this, do you think being gay is still a big deal? Maybe you think I am saying the sky is following when it is only rain. Have you faced any discrimination for being gay/bi? Have you witnessed others experiencing this trauma? Let me know in the comments below. We are at a precipice in history. We can choose to be the lemmings or we can turn and stand our ground and take back our rights. We are the voices that matter. Thank you for being a part of GayintheCLE.