Nightmare of a Christmas
When Karl and I met and started learning about one another, there was one particular movie that we had very different ideals on. Many of you may hold similar ideals to both of us. I have always been a Halloween kid, the darker things have always fascinated me. So, when Tim Burton and Disney released Nightmare Before Christmas, it was the perfect thing for my Halloween movie marathons. As someone who lost their love for Christmas at an early age, it was as far into that holiday I wanted to go. Karl, on the other hand is a Christmas King and believes that it belongs in the Christmas playlist. Seeing our difference, we decided to find a balance in where it should go. We decided that it should become a liminal movie for us.
What do I mean by a liminal movie? To help that make a little more sense, I must explain that, for Karl, the Christmas season starts on November 1st. This is the day that he cleans down the house and starts the Yuletide festivities. If you have seen NIghtmare Before Christmas, then you remember that Jack Skellington discovers Christmas Town and thinks it is exactly what Halloween Town needs and that the can make it better. Without spoiling it, for anyone who may not have seen it yet (gasps in horror) the movie transitions from Halloween to Christmas, with Jack becoming the jolly man in red. So this has become the defining moment to perfectly captures that liminal period between the height of Halloween to the dawning of Christmas season.
For added effect, we often try to time out the part where Jack realized he has made a grave mistake with midnight. A cue to the spirits of the season that our time is shifting away from all the tricks and fun of Halloween to the childlike wonder of the Yule season. It mirrors Jack’s childlike wonder of the holiday and the realization that all things have their time and place.
Memories into traditions
One of the most amazing traditions we have, as many others do, is when we go on vacation, we try to find Christmas ornaments from those areas. As a way to remember our trip and recollect on it during a time of year that is meant for memories, family, and good cheer. As such, while we were setting up our first tree, we picked up those ornaments we have either gifted to each other or purchased during our travels. We recount the story and share how it made us feel. Then we find it a place of prominence on the tree. Always a place that will, hopefully, catch someone’s eye and have the ask us about it.
White we were going over memories we had, Karl asked me when was the turning point, for me, to become excited for Christmas. This was something he has noticed over the last few years that often goes less noticed by be. He reminisced on how I was against Christmas and vocal about how it made me feel, early in our relationship but that it slowly waned away into a more growing excitement over the smaller things, like decorating. He said he has noticed that I have become more involved in the decisions of how we will decorate and he often marvels at my excitement when we visit places like Bronner’s Christmas Wonderland. He noticed it most recently when we were shopping for outside decoration ideas for the house and my excitement over an 8ft tall pop up Santa.
This caused me to think for just a moment and then he grabbed an ornament that we picked up in Morrow, Ohio for a birthday trip I had planned for him. He tells me how he remembers it and the feelings it brought and that I seemed different there, at that moment, than I had previously. It kind of all fell into place and I said, “That was when my Grinch heart grew two sizes bigger.”
The Christmas Ranch
Located in Morrow, Ohio is a small hilltop that has been transformed into a Christmas wonderland, it’s called The Christmas Ranch. This was a destination I had picked for Karl’s fortieth birthday. I wanted to take him to a place that was completely Christmas. A place he would enjoy and find inspiration for his multitude of Christmas trees. There were many places we went, while in Morrow and many of them left me feeling a bit let down in my plans. Two places showed me a side of the man I love that I had not fully appreciated before. The first was a visit to a train display in the Cincinnati Museum Center. He had very fond memories of his childhood and a train display they used to put out. His eyes lit up and I watched as the dark veil of worry seemed to lift off him and be replaced with child wonderment that is reserved for our best memories. I knew it was a win.
The second was when we were going through the line to get into The Christmas Ranch. The sign advised us to turn to a specific radio station they controlled that played an endless Christmas playlist of favorites. As we pulled into the parking area, his eyes widened but I was still unsure how this place would turn out. My expectations had dwindled after we had witnessed a less than magical drive through light display. But my worries would soon melt away like marshmallows in hot cocoa.
The ranch is a massive complex of barns that boast different various themes and types of Christmas decorations. Everywhere was sparkling lights and bright shiny bulbs. What I noticed was that each barn elicited a new level of wonderment for Karl. It was the literal kid in a candy shop vibe. I started to relax and realize this was a win. His excitement only hit its apex when we boarded a hayride that took us around to see their massive light display, complete with timed lights to various Christmas carols.
As I retold this event to him, I finished by saying this was the moment that my view of Christmas changed and started moving towards the childlike wonder I once had. It wasn’t because the trip I planned resonated so well with him, but because of his reactions, his excitement, and how he loved sharing it with me. I realized that the joy of Christmas may be lost in your life due to unavoidable circumstances but, if even for just a moment, you can stop and see it through someone else’s eyes that you can find that same joy again. My joy started vicariously through him. And this led me to remembering the good times of my own holiday memories and to let the darkness fall away to the warmth of loved ones, this time of year.
Send in the feelings
Have you ever lost your love or wonderment of things from your past? Have you ever gotten them back? Or maybe you wonder if you ever will get them back, Let me know in the comments below. Just remember that we often get bogged down in our own feels that we often forget to live and experience new things. Healing comes from exercising those areas that may be tender, you can’t build new muscles without inflicting some kind of pain to allow for growth. That growth can be experiencing those things through someone else’s eyes the way they see them or just simply being open to the moment and not letting your feels get in the way.
Each and everyone of you are the reason I started and continue to do this blog. It is my hopes that my words, my experiences, or my thoughts may help you see the world slightly different than before. I could not do this without each of you and I am so very thankful for your support. Each of you are GayintheCLE. Thank you again.
Gay in the CLE 