The experiences of LGBTQ individuals have evolved dramatically over the past few decades. In the 1990s, being openly LGBTQ often came with substantial risks, from social ostracism to legal discrimination, even as the movement for equality gained momentum. Fast forward to today, and while challenges remain, there has been unprecedented progress in terms of visibility, legal protections, and societal acceptance. This article explores the stark differences between being LGBTQ in the 1990s—a time of growing activism but persistent stigma—and the more inclusive, albeit still imperfect, world LGBTQ people navigate today.
Memories… Memories can be confusing, nostalgic, and leave you with a sense of comfort, but they often spring to memory when you least expect it. Last week, my boyfriend and I were returning from one of our many adventures when suddenly I was overtaken by the thought of how long I have actually been “out of the closet.” We were not discussing coming out or anything related but I was filled with the memories of the day I came out to the first person I ever told. The first person I told was also my first real gay sexual experience. Join me today as we discuss the differences I have seen over the my time d being out in a piece I like to call From Closet to Community: A Journey Through LGBTQ+ Evolution.
A trip down rainbow lane
Being raised in a small country town, there was a lot that I never really experienced, so college was a bit of a shock to me. In the span of my first two years, I lived with two separate people, lived on my own, joined a fraternity, and found a community where I felt more at home than I had before. Growing up, we had people around us that were queer; my mother had lesbian best friends and my cousin, Tommy, was known for being gay by most of the school. As a kid, I also knew how taboo the subject was and the mindset of most people. Due to all of this, I never associated that it was okay to be gay as much as some people just tolerated it. Because of that, I prayed that my desire to be with men would go away as I got older. Boy… did I get a shock when puberty kicked in and the changing rooms of gym class.
The 1980s wasn’t all rainbows and pride events for the LGBTQ community. Hatred of us was still rampant, you could not be, easily, out without some fear of retaliation. At the same time, there were bookstores to go to, bars to drink at, and, in many places, a strong sense of community. This was butted up against a backdrop of the growing epidemic of the AIDS crisis, gay panic, and absolutely no legal protections. If you were looking for love, your options were much different than today. Gay cruising still weighed heavily on parks, restrooms, and dark rooms of seedy bars. There was no Grinder, Sniffies, or Tinder. There were activist groups fighting for our very rights and trying to increase our safety, but it would be at least a decade before any reforms were to start. You could still get arrested for engaging in sex with someone of the same gender.
By the time I was in the last years of high school, the 1990s had started. LGBTQ stereotypes were still rampant on television, our visibility was increasing but any for of protection status was still a few years away. This was the decade in which I came out and also met my first boyfriend. I came out to a fraternity brother in college and subsequently we slept together and that led to another fraternity brother. From there I officially came out or should I say, rather messily came out. It involved crying to my close friends in a bar. I left school, met my first boyfriend who basically did the whole Aladdin scene of, “I can show you the world, shining, shimmering, splendid…” And that he did. Through him I found LGBTQ bookstores, bars, pride events, and a community that was welcoming and warm. I found home. It would be a few short years later that Don’t ask, don’t tell would be repealed and we would start to gain our rights to marry. Everyone one of us was starting to see the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. Hope was rising.
Vivid colors fade to monotone
At the start of this post, I mentioned how memories often come to you at the weirdest times and on that day I was swept up in how long it had been since I first came out. The first frat brother I slept with and came out to was in the summer of 1993, so this summer marked thirty-one years of being out. This is the part where I sound like an old man when I say that I have seen a lot of changes in those thirty-one years. Many of which are a surprise to me, the closing of LGBTQ bookstores and bars being the largest.
When I came out all those years ago, I was in wonder at experiencing a gay bookstore and bar for the first time. What I quickly learned was that these were more than just the businesses they appeared to be, these were the hub of the LGBTQ communities they were often surrounded by. They were the places where our kind congregated to meet and talk. They were the safe havens from a world that seemed to want to keep us in the shadows. This was also where you found out about any current events going on in the area and yes, this too was often where you could cruise others for dating or a more short term interaction.
I moved to Cleveland in 2016 and over the course of almost a decade, I have seen most of the bars in Cleveland close down. Before any Cleveland LGBTQ people speak up, we still have The Leather Stallion, Cleveland’s oldest LGBTQ bar, Vibe, Cocktails, Twist, and the Hawk. Not to mention the multitude of LGBTQ friendly bars that keep supporting the local drag community with drag brunches and various other shows. We also still have the Dean Rufus House of Fun, which is pretty damned close to the bookstores I remember in my gay youth. But let’s look at the multitude of businesses that have closed and publications that no longer exist. Many say this is because we live in more tolerant times, but I would say that the last eight years of our great nations is more similar to the 1970s and 1980s when it comes to how we are accepted by our leaders, churches, and public at large. We seemed to have taken a few steps back, in relation to where we were.
Goodbye yellow brick road
It often feels like we are on the precipice of change, some tipping point that is waiting for the right amount of force to push it one way or another. The past is gone and the way in which we approached it wont work for going forward. But we still need activists, people who arent afraid to push boundaries and ruffle feathers. The quiet complacency that most of the LGBTQ community has drifted into needs to be changed before we end up in an era where we aren’t free to be ourselves. Let’s not forget that a few short decades ago you could be arrested if you were not wearing at least three pieces of clothing that matched the gender you were assigned at birth. That jump from not being allowed to compete in sports due to gender beliefs to being arrested for perceived misrepresentation of gender isn’t a huge jump. We need to be more vocal, more visible, and take the needed actions to get it back on course and not lose every advance we have made.
What about you, how do you feel about the current LGBTQ climates in our country, or better yet our world? Do you feel it is a safer place than it was before? Do you think that we no longer need the safe places of yesteryear because we have more security now? What do you see for our future? Each of you reading this are the activists waiting to make a change, the only thing holding you back is your trigger point. What will be the thing that makes you want to take more action? Let me know in the comments below. And thanks to each and everyone of you who make this blog what it is, you are the reason it exists and continues to exist.
Gay in the CLE 