Howdy y’all, It’s Nick Grimshaw. Recently, I did an interview with GayintheCLE about what it means to be a Romantic Satanist and how it fits into my life, you can find that article here, Beyond the Horns: A Bisexual Man’s Journey in Romantic Satanism. It has been an avenue for me to be more open about my lifestyle, share it, and help others who are going through similar issues. As GayintheCLE has covered a mess of LGBTQ people, I thought it beneficial to share my story in more detail, as it may be something others can take a shine to.
Grab your favorite drink, pull up a rocker on my porch and let me tell you about, The Diary of a Bisexual Satanist: Navigating Love, Sex, and Identity.
- A blast from the past
- Sexuality vs. Romantic Orientation: It’s Complicated
- The joys of sex
- Navigating the white waters of life
- The whole kit and kaboodle
A blast from the past
Hello, it is nice to meet you. I am Nick Grimshaw and I am a 49 years old bisexual male. I was born to two god fearing parents in the rural town of Bristol, Tennessee that had as much diversity as the beige color sampler you can find in your local Walmart paint department. That is to say, not so much. I am also a Romantic Satanist. All of these combined can make me seem a little bit much to handle but it can be a fun ride, all the same.
Since my childhood, I have had a long time to sit and think about what it means for me to be bisexual. It’s a fundamental part of who I am. It took me time to realize that love and attraction dont have to be put into a box with a specific label. It is only about opening up your heart to the full rainbow of human connection.
Growing up in a small southern town made being bi a challenge, but is also the core of what made me who I am today. A someone who appreciates the beauty and complexion of human interactions. If this grizzled old bisexual romantic satanist can give its to embrace what makes you you. If someone says your love isnt valid, ignore them – ain’t no one got time for that.
There are three things that I want y’all to take away from this article. Here they are:
- Being bisexual isnt a phase – It certainly is not a stepping stone to becoming a lesbian or gay man. It is valid as it is, a recognition that love and attraction can exist beyond gender norms.
- It isn’t about choosing sides – Us bi folks dont have to pic a team, no just “team men” or “team women.” As my dear old mama said, love is love and it can show itself in all it’s wonderful ways.
- It’s about acceptance – Each and everyone of us deserved to be loved, no matter who we are attracted to. Us bisexuals deserve acceptance from society, LGBTQ people, and most importantly, ourselves.
But this article isnt about acceptance, it is a sharing of who I am and what my bisexual life is like.
Sexuality vs. Romantic Orientation: It’s Complicated
Labels are for clothes and boxes, but, at times, they can help others understand and frame up some kinds of reference. I am a bisexual but that is only the high level version of it. When it comes to love and attraction, it goes a little deeper. Romantically I am what is called “gay romantic.” Sounds a bit confusing, yeah? It is actually pretty simple. It means that I will only fall in love with someone of the same gender as I am. When it comes to sexual attraction, I consider myself bi sexually motivated. You’re probably yelling at your screen saying, “wait a damned minute, Nick, You already told us you were bisexual.” You are right but there is a distinction there. Bisexual is a term for your sexuality: meaning you are sexually attracted to both genders. Bi sexual is about having sex with both genders but not developing romantic feelings for them.
Let’s take a different approach to it. Currently, I am dating a guy who is also bisexual. We have an open relationship, in which we have been known to have heterosexual couples, LGBTQ couples, and male or female singles share our bed. You are probably thinking that sounds like a huge hedonistic party. More often than not, it is just us in our big old bed. While we both may be sexually open. Most people are not. Let’s see if I can make this less clear as mud.
Sexuality vs. Romantic Orientation – Sexuality can encompass both romantic and sexual attraction, while romantic orientation focuses solely on who you experience romantic love with. These two aspects dont always align and for me, will not. How far I go into sharing this information with people depends on who they are and where they fit into the dynamic. If it is purely a sexual encounter, I leave it as just bisexual. In the case of my boyfriend, we sat down and had an open discussion about our likes/dislikes and such and realized we had lots in common. If you are looking for a better term than gay romantic, bi sexual, I often just state it as homoromantic bisexual. That seems to wrap it up a bit nicer.
The joys of sex
The one thing I constantly hear from people is that I should have no problems finding sex since I am bi. First, my boyfriend and I may have an open relationship, it doesnt mean that we are always out looking for threesomes or group-somes. Sure, they are fun but they are also rare. Our relationship is always first and then we work on finding open-minded people who are accepting of our type of relationship. This requires a lot of communication, not just from us but from prospective partners. We all need to be on the same page.
It is important to point out that while my relationship may seem to dabble a bit into polyamory or ethical non-monogamy, not every bisexual or bisexual couple engages in this. I guess it stands to reason that we may need to explain some labels I have used.
Polyamory – In its simplest form is an agreement where everyone can have as many romantic partners as they choose, whether sexual or romantic. Keep in mind, this is the simplest of definitions and YMMV.
Ethical Non-Monogamy – (also called ENM) is when people agree to have multiple romantic, sexual, or intimate connections with more than one people
All Polyamorous relationships are/should be ethical non-monogamous relationships but not all ENM relationships are polyamorous. The difference is describes as polyamorous is described as multiple loving relationships. ENM is an arrangement where people have multiple consensual romantic, sexual, and/or intimate interactions. Clear as mud, right?
Navigating the white waters of life
Ethical non-monogamy is a fairly new term for an old idea. You have probably heard of swingers and open marriages, same thing. But it isnt an easy life to have and it definitely is not a long string of lovers. Not all couples are created equal. If you are a heterosexual ENM couple, we will say swingers for the sake of ease. Though this usually means that they are looking for a unicorn or woman who wants to join them. Rarely do married men openly advertise they would like a male to join them and play with both.
In the case of my current relationship, finding people who are accepting of a bi male couple becomes harder. Many straight men are afraid of challenging their masculinity by adding two more guys. We have had our fair share of doozies in finding people. The one that stands out most to me was a heterosexual couple that found us on a hook up app. They saw our profile and knew we were a bi male couple. The woman reached out to us first, intrigued by the idea of having three men take care of her. The husband expressed interest in what it would be like to have two guys paying him attention – in front of his wife. We chatted for a couple months to break the ice with them, due to their nervousness. We finally decided to meet and planned our day.
We exchanged a lot of excited messages up until that day. As we were getting ready to head out for our planned meeting, I got a text from them saying they were probably going to have to cancel our plans. A bit surprised, I asked if everything was okay. The man answered back that he had not been with another man before and the thought of it was freaking him out and didnt think he could go through with it. We had two months of chatting for this to have come up before then but he always said how it was exciting and he wanted to feel what it was like to have men pay attention to him.
Needless to say, we have not talked with them since that day.
The whole kit and kaboodle
Being both bisexual and a romantic satanist has helped me with my views of the world. I realize that life is meant to be experienced, that no one can tell us what is right for us, and to appreciate every aspect of life, even when it is darker. Remember, finding your place isn’t about some grand destination. It’s about the journey, the experiences you gather, and the connections you make along the way. Embrace the weirdness, celebrate your uniqueness, and keep searching for what makes your heart sing. And hey, if a small-town bisexual romantic Satanist like me can find his place, then anyone can.
Now, go out there and make your mark on the world! And if you ever find me out running around, let’s chat over coffee (or maybe a steaming mug of something a little stronger) and swap stories.
Best of luck on your journeys, folks!
—NG
If you would like to contact Nick about this or his previous articles, you can contact him at GayintheCLE@gayinthecle.com using cc:Nick Grimshaw.
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