Sometimes, life throws you a curveball, we just have to decide how to handle that pitch moving forward. That is what happened, to me, when I was asked to review How to Burn a Rainbow: My Gay Marriage Didnt Make Me Whole, My Divorce Did. My first thoughts were, “great, gay divorce advice, this should be fun.” But the moment I opened to the first page and started reading, I realized that Karl Dunn had a journey planned for me and I needed to just strap in, hold on, and just let the experience happen.
How to Burn a Rainbow: My Gay Marriage Didnt Make Me Whole, My Divorce Did may be an author sharing his ordeals navigating Gay Divorce in a time in which Gay Marriage was barely off the ground, but it is also so much more. What I found was a book that offered life’s lessons that fit my journey as much as it did Karl’s. This book became a cherished advisor from across the expanse.
Let me share with you How to Burn A Rainhow: My Gay Marriage Didn’t Make Me Whole. My Divorce Did.
- Who is Karl Dunn?
- Gay marriage, now what?
- A journey of self discovery
- Life’s lessons
- From gay divorce to universal guide
Who is Karl Dunn?
Karl Dunn is a multi-award-winning advertising Creative Director who has lived and worked in eleven cities throughout Australia, Africa, Asia, Europe, and America. A global citizen, Karl speaks on a broad section of topics such as Diversity, Equity & Inclusion, and Self-love — a culmination of his 25 years in international business, his personal experience of divorce, and his passion for the rights of the LGBTQ+ community. He is the author of “How To Burn A Rainbow” an intimate, honest, and revealing story about divorce and self-love, scheduled for release on May 17, 2024.
Gay marriage, now what?
June 26, 2015 was a landmark day for the United States of America. Every LGBTQIAA+ person watched as the Supreme Court legalized gay marriage, for the first time since it was Initially passed in Massachusetts on May 17, 2004. This was only the beginning. Once, that ruling was passed LGBTQIAA+ people flocked, en masse, to their local municipalities to get married. It was a decision we had fought for and felt would never happen.
We fought so hard for the ability to get married, like our straight counterparts, that we forgot to ask important questions. Questions like; should we call it something else or what happens when we decide we don’t want to be married any longer.
The American judicial system has had years to perfect heterosexual divorces but the thought of how to handle same-sex marriage had not been encountered. What makes it even more challenging is that marriage and divorce is under state jurisdiction. This means that there are 50 different ways a divorce can play out in a courtroom. As Karl learned, not a single one of them takes into account for how different same sex marriage is and what the participants bring to the table, in comparison.
In How to Burn a Rainbow: My Gay Marriange Didn’t Make Me Whole, My Divorce Did , Karl Dunn experiences the pain of a sudden end to his seemingly picture-perfect gay marriage. His world crumbles, leaving him lost and grappling with grief, legal battles, and the daunting task of redefining himself.
But wait! This isn’t your typical break-up story. Karl’s heartbreak becomes a catalyst for an incredible journey of self-discovery. This raw memoir takes you from the sun-drenched hills of Los Angeles to the heart of Berlin, as Karl breaks free from societal expectations and embraces his true self. “How to Burn a Rainbow” is a story of resilience, courage, and ultimately, finding love and acceptance – on his own terms.
A journey of self discovery
A good work of literature will allow the reader to see parallels of their own struggles in the pages they are reading. That is what happened to me while reading How to Burn a Rainbow: My Gay Marriage Didn’t Make Me Whole, My Divorce Did. The last thing I expected to find in a book about someone experiencing gay marriage and gay divorce were tips on how to navigate some of my emotional pitfalls.
Many of us think that if we can achieve a specific set of things that our lives will somehow be happy. In reality, we often learn that what we want isn’t what we actually need. Karl Dunn saw this played out in his own life, as he went through his own gay divorce.
Life’s lessons
A book about gay divorce can teach you how to handle some of the hardest lessons in your life.
If you would have told me that I could find help in a book about someone else’s divorce I would have thought you were off your rocker. Nonetheless, here I sit in my study, reeling from the schooling that Karl Dunn laid on me 320 pages. To be able to talk about all he shared would create a book equally as long. Given this, I want to focus on the core principle that can help almost anyone in almost any situation.
Myriam’s Law
Myriam’s Law came from an advertising friend of Dunn’s, named Myriam. In this chapter of the book, she tells Dunn about an event in her career that changed her perceptions of things. Myriam had become pregnant and decided to leave her job to have her child. Upon her return, she found out her two partners had pretty much worked her out of her role and told her she was not needed. Dunn tried to feel outraged for her but her comment was simply: “How can I get angry at them for doing exactly what I expected them to do?”
This simple statement gave me an understanding that I had been missing, all this time.. If you know or suspect that a person will act/react a certain way, then we cannot be shocked when they do. Simply put, as my mother used to say “A tiger can’t change its stripes.”
In the simplest of terms, we allow our expectations of people and events to dictate our reactions. This allows us to remove the responsibility from who is ultimately responsible… US! Imagine this scenario. You see your friend across the room, engrossed in whatever they are doing. You decide that it could be fun to give them a slight scare by surprising them. You muster up your best sneaky post and tip toe to where they are and you surprise them. In turn, they scream, spin around, and smack you in the process. You get upset because they hit you. They hit you because you surprised them. You were at fault but you put the blame on them for reacting in a way that was different than you had hoped for. So many things in my life tend to follow this approach.
How it feels to be “Karl” today
The world is overwhelming at times, for everyone. There are days where my health, work, relationship, and just living seem to be a cavalcade of how bad things can be. Imagine waking up late for work, you scramble to get dressed and out the door. You get to work late, your boss notices and comments and from there on it just seems to be one thing after another that makes you feel like the world is out to get you.
Surprise, the world doesn’t have that much focus for you, this is simply how it feels to be you at that very moment. It will pass, the sun will shine again, and, yes, you will see the good things. Sometimes, the very thing that will change the course is acceptance. Just accept that these bad things happened but they are not indicators of what your life will bring in the next instance.
So, when you next have those feelings that everything is lining up against you, you know can look it straight in the eye and say “This is how it feels to be me, today.” From there, you can move on to other things with an open mind and heart.
Monuments to old beliefs
There is a point in the book in which Karl sleeps with a someone he feels very deeply for. In the morning, Karl and him talk about sharing secrets and sex. Karl mentions to this person that he is the only one he is having sex with because of his undesirability. This person points out how he shared other instances of people he had been intimate with then drops a truth bomb on Karl.
“I think you’re so used to telling yourself this undesirability story, it’s become a monument. But life changes, and you have to force your stories to catch up…”
This truth landed on me harder than, I feel it did, for Karl. I sit here, today, a hundred pounds lighter than I was three years ago, some of the best health of my life, amazing boyfriend, and a life where we get to experience almost everything we want. The problem is that I still live it like I was the version of “Keith” I was five years ago. I haven’t forced my story to catch up.
The short version here is we often get caught up in the rhetoric of our past. We start to use those events as a baseline for future interactions. What we fail to realize is that those reactions are tinged with the stains of the moment and our feelings, at that specific time. Who I was five years ago no longer exists, his story ended when these massive shifts came to my life. We should look at these new adventures as a chance to write our story anew and not live it on some dogma we created because of how we perceived an event.
From gay divorce to universal guide
I started reading this book to understand the journey that Dunn took, from the beginning of his relationship with his then partner, Gunner, all the way through to his divorce. I was expecting a book that gave a view of divorce that many people have not witnessed, from the side of gay men. But, while feeling the struggles that Dunn experiences, what I realized is this book becomes a guiding light for those who may be lost in any dark tunnel. The lessons he presents are universal truths learned from an exercise in grief and trauma that is marriage and divorce.
Karl Dunn’s book How to Burn a Rainbow: My Gay Marriage Didnt Make Me Whole, My Divorce Did releases today. You can get your copy on Karl Dunn’s Website or at Amazon. Check out this amazing book and see how Karl’s lessons can help you navigate a world from a unique perspective. And hey, if you are looking for info on how to navigate a possible gay divorce then this book covers that, as well. It’s like a buy-one-get-one deal and how can you beat that?
Now, get out there and buy that book and see how Karl’s lessons can fit into your narrative.
Gay in the CLE 
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