In a world that often glorifies victory and celebrates those who emerge triumphant, it’s easy to fall into the trap of believing that winning is everything. However, as we navigate the complexities of human interaction and personal growth, it becomes increasingly evident that the relentless pursuit of being right at all costs comes with its own set of consequences. In this exploration, we delve into the nuances of why winning isn’t everything, especially when it comes to the constant quest for correctness. Embracing the idea that it’s okay not to be right all the time can be a liberating journey towards personal development, enriched relationships, and a healthier perspective on success. Let’s unravel the layers of this paradigm shift and discover the hidden wisdom in accepting that sometimes, the greatest victories lie in learning from our moments of imperfection.
At 50, I have learned some very hard truths, the biggest is that my ego gets in the way of things a lot more than I would care to admit. I have a need to be right and my ego lets me know that anyone who disagrees thinks I am wrong and more importantly is judging me because of that. But, is that reality? To the Ego, it is but the ego is single minded. We will discuss the ego later.
Let’s take a look at Why Winning Isn’t Everything: Learning to be okay with not being right (all the time)!
- Trappings of Youth
- The fallacy of being “right”
- The garden of the mind
- Ready to Unlock Your Brain’s Awesome Potential?
- Life isn’t a competition for “rightness”
Trappings of Youth
There were many times, as a child, that I was told how wrong I was or how stupid I was being. From the first time getting caught experimenting with my cousin, failing sixth grade, and dropping out of college the first time, each of these added to my shame.
I had been told I was stupid, ignorant, and dumb by my father, friends and even school officials. In middle school, my grades were not stellar. I had a hard time learning. Some of which was due to bad eyesight and sitting in the back of the room and others were based on my learning style. I was not ready for how different sixth grade would be from elementary school. Teachers expected you to work independently, classrooms were often organized alphabetically, and teachers had more students. I fell behind. My own guidance counselor said I was not applying myself, there was no thought or testing to see if maybe I was having a hard time learning. I failed sixth grade and watched my friends move on without me. It only backed up in my head that my teachers thought I was dumb, so I must be.
Once I learned how my mind worked and how I could better learn the material being presented, my grades improved through high school. But still, I did not have the fortitude to translate that to college. As my grades dropped there, I became scared that I was just as stupid as they made me out to be and I dropped out. It was at that point I refused to let others tell me I was wrong ever again, even if I was. I will defend that position, tooth and nail, regardless of how I make others feel.
What I did not know at the time was that neither of these two instances equated with me being stupid or wrong or anything else. It was all about the way in which I learned new things.
The fallacy of being “right”
The need to be and prove you are right are byproducts of the Ego. You may be wondering how, exactly. Well, the job of the ego is to protect us. To the ego, being wrong is a form of hurting us, so its in childlike perception of things, it doesnt want us to be harmed so it urges us to defend out points with voracity. If you need proof, just ask my BF.
As the ego argues, it feels superior and thus creates the image that the other person is inferior. This is a fear based response from a fixed or closed mindset. The problem is that the message it sends to the world is that we are actually really insecure. So then, why do we argue th point? The truth is that we are attached to our opinions and being forced to change that understanding is uncomfortable. And we dont want to feel uncomfortable.
The garden of the mind
Imagine your brain as a magnificent garden. When you’re fixated on being right, it’s like building a giant wall around it. New ideas? Denied entry! Different viewpoints? Blocked at the gate! What a shame to miss out on all the vibrant diversity waiting to bloom! Here’s how to dismantle the wall and transform your garden into a thriving ecosystem:
1. Open the Gates of Curiosity:
- Listen like a detective: Instead of focusing on disagreeing, put on your detective hat and try to understand the other person’s perspective. Ask questions, like “Tell me more about why you think that?,” and really listen to their answer. You might uncover hidden clues leading to a whole new understanding!
- Become a “Yes, and…” champion: When someone shares an idea, even if it seems far-fetched, instead of saying “No, but…”, try “Yes, and…”. This builds on their idea, creating a collaborative brainstorming session instead of a battle for “rightness.” Imagine two kids playing with blocks, building castles instead of throwing them at each other!
2. Embrace Your Inner Seedling:
- Celebrate “oops” moments: We all make mistakes, but instead of wilting like a sad seedling, see them as opportunities to grow! Share your own “oops” moments with friends and laugh together. You’ll realize everyone makes mistakes, and it doesn’t diminish your awesomeness.
- Turn mistakes into learning adventures: After an “oops,” ask yourself, “What can I learn from this?” Was there a different approach you could have taken? This helps you grow and avoids repeating the same mistake, just like a flower learns to bend towards the sunlight for better growth.
3. Appreciate the Diverse Blooms:
- Value different opinions: Imagine your friends as a variety of flowers, each unique and beautiful. Just like you wouldn’t pick one flower as the “best,” appreciate the different ways people see the world. Their opinions might challenge your own, but that’s a good thing! It helps you see the world in a richer,more colorful way.
Practice empathy: Try to see things from another person’s perspective. Imagine stepping into their shoes and experiencing the world through their eyes. This helps build understanding and reduces the urge to argue for your own “rightness.”
Ready to Unlock Your Brain’s Awesome Potential?
Here are some cool tricks to help you ditch the “always-right” attitude:
- Listen like a superhero: Really focus on what others are saying, even if you disagree. Imagine superpowers that let you hear their hearts!
- Ask questions: Instead of arguing, ask friendly questions to understand their perspective. Think of questions as keys unlocking mysteries!
- Admit when you’re wrong: It takes courage, but it shows you’re open to learning. Imagine being knighted for your honesty and bravery!
- Celebrate differences: See them as opportunities to learn and grow, not things to fight about. Imagine a party where everyone brings their unique cake flavor!
Life isn’t a competition for “rightness”
Life is a beautiful dance of learning, growing, and connecting. So take a deep
breath, unlock your brain’s amazing potential, and remember, sometimes the most awesome journeys start with taking a step in the wrong direction. Have fun exploring, even when you’re wrong!
How do you feel about being right all the time? is it a trait you have gotten rid of or never had? How do you handle arguments with your loved ones, are they the type that has to be right all the time? Let me know in the comments below. Thank you all for taking a few moments to read this article. Let me know your thoughts below and other topics you would like to see covered.
Gay in the CLE 