The Mystery of the Mighty Wall: Why We Hide Our Feelings (and How to Build Doors Instead!)

Have you ever felt like there’s a castle inside you, surrounded by wide, tall walls to keep out invaders? That wall might be hiding all sorts of cool stuff – laughter, excitement, even secret superpowers! But why do we build these walls around our feelings in the first place? Let’s peek behind that wall and explore!

1. Brick by Brick: Building Our Emotional Walls
2. The Architects of the Wall: Who shapes our emotional landscape?
3. Operation Bridge Builder: Tearing Down the Walls (Brick by Brick)
4. Mr Gorbachev, tear down this wall!

Brick by Brick: Building Our Emotional Walls

There are many reasons why we might create walls around our feelings. Sometimes, it’s like putting on a raincoat – it protects us from getting hurt by things like sadness, anger, or disappointment. Maybe you had a fight with a friend and don’t want to feel sad again, so you keep them at a distance. Or maybe you’re nervous about trying something new, so you hide your excitement to avoid feeling silly.

Imagine a tiny explorer, wide-eyed and curious, venturing into the world. Every experience, every interaction, shapes their emotional landscape. But sometimes, instead of open meadows, they encounter harsh terrain – hurtful words, unexpected rejection, or overwhelming situations. These experiences become the bricks and mortar of their emotional wall, built for protection:

• Fear of getting hurt: Just like a scraped knee stings, emotional hurt can be tough too. Sometimes, we build walls to avoid feeling sad, angry, or rejected.
• Feeling uncomfortable: Sharing our feelings can feel weird or scary, especially if we’re not used to it. So, we keep them locked up tight inside.
• Past experiences: If we’ve been hurt before, we might be extra cautious about opening up again. It’s like having a broken toy – we might be afraid to play with it again in case it breaks more.
• Unrealistic Expectations: Societal pressures and unrealistic portrayals of emotions can make us feel inadequate or ashamed of our true selves. The wall becomes a way to hide perceived flaws and conform to external expectations.

Remember, building walls is totally normal! But just like a real wall, they can also keep us from the good stuff, like making new friends, having fun adventures, and feeling all the amazing emotions that make us human.

The Architects of the Wall: Who shapes our emotional landscape?

While our own experiences play a crucial role, the people around us also influence how we build and maintain our emotional walls. Here are some key figures who might contribute:

• Parents and Caregivers: Inconsistent or emotionally unavailable caregivers can leave children feeling insecure and guarded, leading them to build walls as a coping mechanism. Conversely, supportive and nurturing relationships can foster emotional openness and trust.
• Peers and Bullies: Negative experiences with peers, such as bullying or exclusion, can make children feel unsafe and unwelcome, prompting them to build walls to protect themselves.
• Teachers and Authority Figures: Unkind or dismissive interactions with authority figures can make children feel undervalued or unheard, leading them to withdraw and build walls of self-protection.
• Society and Media: Societal pressures and unrealistic portrayals of emotions can create shame and self-doubt, prompting individuals to build walls to conform or hide perceived flaws.

It’s important to remember that the people who contribute to our emotional walls might not always be acting with malicious intent. However, understanding these influences can help us recognize the origins of our walls and begin the process of dismantling them.

Operation Bridge Builder: Tearing Down the Walls (Brick by Brick)

While building walls might seem like a sensible strategy, it can have unintended consequences.Those walls often become our unintended prisons. When we shut down our emotions, we miss out on important connections with others. Sharing our feelings helps us build friendships, understand each other, and even solve problems together. Not to mention that keeping our emotions all pent up is like shaking a bottle of Pepsi, at some point it might explode in an unhealthy way. My boyfriend has often been on the receiving end of a few of them. If asked, he may provide references. 

So, how do we open the wall and share our true selves with the world? Here are five super cool ways (plus a bonus tip) to start:

1. Find Your Safe Space: Imagine a cozy fort where you feel happy and accepted. This could be your room, a special corner in the library, or even a trusted friend’s company. In this safe space, try sharing your feelings with someone you trust, like a parent, teacher, or friend. Start small, maybe with something silly or happy, and see how it feels. Remember, they’re there to listen, not judge!
2. Express Yourself Creatively: Sometimes, words are tricky, but creativity can be magic! Draw a picture of how you feel, write a silly song, or dance like nobody’s watching! When you express yourself creatively, you’re letting your feelings out in a safe and fun way. Plus, it’s super cool!
3. Self-Awareness: The first step is understanding your own emotional landscape. What are your triggers? What emotions do you tend to suppress? Journaling, meditation, and mindfulness practices can help you gain insight into your inner world.
4. Challenge Negative Self-talk: We often become our own worst critics. Recognize and challenge negative thoughts about yourself and your emotions. Practice self-compassion and remember, everyone experiences challenges and emotions.
5. Seek Professional Help: If your walls feel insurmountable or you’re struggling to manage your emotions on your own, don’t hesitate to seek professional help. Therapists can provide guidance and support

Remember, tearing down your walls takes time and courage, just like building a real bridge. But every small step you take, like sharing a smile or trying something new, is a brick laid towards a stronger, happier you. So, be brave, have fun, and don’t forget – the world is waiting to see the amazing person you are, wall or no wall!

Bonus Tip: Remember, everyone has walls sometimes, even grown-ups! So be kind and understanding if someone seems closed off. Maybe they just need a little help building their bridge too!

Mr Gorbachev, tear down this wall!

Remember, building walls is totally normal! But just like a real wall, they can also keep us from the good stuff, like making new friends, having fun adventures, and feeling all the amazing emotions that make us human. Be kind to yourself, celebrate even small victories, and don’t be afraid to ask for help. The emotional playground awaits, filled with laughter, tears, and all the beautiful messy things that make you, you!

If you feel comfortable sharing, how has building up emotional walls affected your life? Are there good ways that it has? Have your walls caused a negative impact on your  relationships? Maybe you have found ways to easily tear down those walls. If so, how did you accomplish it and does it still work for you? Let me know in the comments below.

Please remember, if you find yourself experiencing signs of mental health issues, do not hesitate to reach out for help; seeking support from friends, family, or mental health professionals is a courageous and vital step towards healing and well-being.