Aging and Male Sexual Health

December 24th, 2020 started a chapter in my life that I did not expect. After having been diagnosed with cirrhosis, I had to make changes to my lifestyle, this meant modifications to my diet and my health. I sit here now and tell you that I spent the majority of my life not thinking about what I was doing to my body. Exercise was minimal, left to hiking maybe once every six months. As far as what I ate, I never gave it a second thought. Now, I sit here with a very different routine. My calories are kept in line, I focus on what goes into my body more, and I have a daily exercise regime. All of this has been great for my overall health, but there are parts of it that I still have not thought about. As I am staring 50 in the eyes, this year. I need to start thinking about the lesser thought of aspects of total body health. 

If you have not guessed it yet, that means we are discussing prostate, pelvic floor,  and anal health. And before you click off this thinking this isnt for you, it is better to start thinking about these things when you are younger than waiting for a problem to creep up. 

In the American mindset, when we talk about health most of us start thinking about heart, muscles, and respiratory system, as the main components. We push mental health aside as not a component, thinking that we must be weak if we can’t deal with our own issues. And for men, sexual health is left to be a topic once we hit a certain age and that usually focuses mainly on prostate health. We often don’t hear much, as we age, on how to prevent some of these issues or how we can maintain that health as we age.

Today, we are going to discuss health topics around those areas. Focusing on how to strengthen our more intimate areas to keep us healthy and continuing to provide us joy and healthful lives for a long time to come. 

There’s an anal option

It is an established fact that sexual health is heavily focused on heterosexual reproduction more than it is total body health. When I went through secondary schooling, health class didn’t even mention anal sex unless it was in relation to infections and the like. Our parents definitely do not educate us on how it works. And, for the most part we are taught that the butt is only for dirty things that are not supposed to be spoken of. As such, many men take that to their very core and rarely tell their doctors if there is something wrong with our back door. Like a great many sexual topics, we are left to learn them from friends, on the streets, or bad internet searches. 

But, as we are men who enjoy sex with other men or from the simple act of being penetrated, we know that our backside is hardwired to our libido, in most cases. The bigger question should be do we know how to care for this part of our body that follows us everywhere?

What goes in also comes out

When it comes to talking about a healthy bum, the first thing (as in total body health) is diet. What you eat is crucial in taking care of that part of our body we sit on all day and brings us a deep sense of joy. 

Focus on a balanced diet that has a good amount of fiber. Making sure we get enough, makes it easier when that private time on the throne rolls around. Basically, the more fiber you intake means the less straining and more regular bowel movements. Straining is bad as it can cause tears in the mucus lining inside of your bum. Any tears or such there greatly increase your chances of STIs. 

You can ensure you are getting enough by upping the amount of vegetables in your diet. If you need some added assistance to your bathroom time, there are fiber supplements you can take that will help along the way. Just remember to time them before you have any intimate encounters.

Don’t go chasing waterfalls

While most of us resort to using douches to get us ready for our playtime, it is worthwhile to note that they can also be harmful to our bodies. Not using the right solutions, temperature, or even over using can cause problems for us. Douching should not be done daily. The best solutions to use are lukewarm saline solutions, as they cause the least amount of damage to the soft inner linings. And douching too much can cause that area to become dry and irritated. No one wants an angry bum. One last caveat, remember if you are douching to give yourself about thirty minutes from the last dose to when you start thinking about engaging in activity.

Slip sliding, away

Lube is a must in any anal play and the more the better. I have an article that talks about lube quite extensively but the key note here is to match it to what you are planning. Remember that water based lube dries quickly and needs reapplying A LOT. Oil based lubes are bad for condoms, so keep it away. Silicone provides super slick gliding, greate for toys and condoms (in most cases), but is hard to clean up. And dont just jump into taking something you are not ready for. Build slowly and practice often. Remember, if you feel pain, if there seems to be more blood than you feel comfortable with, seek medical attention immediately. 

The man behind the curtain

Speaking of organs that are not taught about a lot, in our health education, the prostate is one that we only learn about as we age. Well, unless buttsex is a pastime. Many do not realize that this walnut sized organ is responsible for our orgasms. And we also know it as the male g-spot or more aptly “P-Spot.” But did you know that you can help it out? All it takes is a little practice and self care to help you get the most out of this hidden pleasure zone. The prostate is key for producing one of the main fluids in semen, seminal fluid. This is the main vehicle for sperm to get to its destination but it is also what nourishes sperm during its journey. 

Hands free for you and me

While the prostate does produce the much needed fluid for semen, it is not always directly involved in every orgasm men have. To get the full effect, it needs a little build up time. Its location is below the bladder and towards the front of the body – from the inside. It is located, roughly, two inches inside and towards the belly. You will know you have located it, when you touch it, by a slight feeling of needing to ‘pee,’ not an intense urge, just a slight one.

This is where practice and experimentation will guide you. This allows you to learn what you like and how, so that you can share it with your partners. Best part is that the prostate also has a connection to the pelvic nerve, stimulating these two together can, for some, create very intense climaxes. This is where the term hands free orgasms come from.

Your milkshake can bring all the boys to your yard

A term you have probably seen or even searched for is “prostate milking.” This is a less intense but longer lasting orgasm that men can experience. Before you start experimenting here, remember that lube is your friend and the more you use it the better. How much pressure and intensity you need to feel this sensation is up to you. Start slow and see what works best for you. You know you are getting it right when you start producing a fluid similar to semen but without the actual orgasm.

On the outside looking in

The best part about the prostate is that you do not have to insert anything to get the benefits of its pleasure. But, do you know how to locate and explore it?

We have all heard the term ‘taint,’ it is the spot on your body between your testicles and anus. It has, what appears to be, a seam running between the two points. This is the neighborhood of your prostate. Lightly explore this area. Small circular massaging and/or gentle pressing will accomplish this easily enough. And like before, when you get the slight urge to pee, you know you hit the spot. While you are engaged in sexual activity, you can press on this area to help increase the sensations of orgasm. After all, you are already stimulating a lot of internal nerves and adding to it can only make it better. Who knows, maybe it will achieve multiple orgasms for you. 

Diet and exercise is also a key component to your overall health, here as well. This will help reduce the chances of developing prostate issues. One extra bit of information, here. Did you know that orgasms are a great way to reduce your chances of developing prostate cancer? This gives you a great reason for looking into and practings how to stimulate our much loved prostate. Take it from someone who didn’t learn this till later, take the time to explore how it works for the biggest benefit.

But it’s the pelvic thrust…

One thing I know I never learned in my health classes is that men also need to worry about their pelvic floors. For most, we don’t think about this until there is an issue and then it’s more about dealing with it. Just like our other muscles, the pelvic floor can be trained to be stronger and help ensure we are not dependent on some form of under garments in our future. That is unless that is part of your thing.

A weak pelvic floor can cause an immense amount of issues for us and sadly can be related to a lot of exercises we do in our youth. 

The root of the issue

The pelvic floor muscles are a criss-cross network of muscles located between your tailbone and your pelvis. They are the support system for your bladder and bowels and their controls. They are also a key part of your sexual function, it creates the ability to get and maintain that rock hard erection we all love so much.

How to know there is an issue

Let me state this first and most important. If something seems off in your urinary and bowel functions seek medical help immediately. Do not pass go and do not collect $100 dollars.

What if you aren’t sure there is an issue or you simply want to know signs that there could be issues? First thing to remember is that many of these may build up over time and not as noticeable at first. And remember some of these symptoms could be related to others things, so don’t self diagnose and seek a professional opinion.

Symptoms of an issue

• Difficulty emptying bladder or bowels
• Accidentally losing control of bladder/bowels, especially during laughing, coughing, or physical activity
• Still leaking urine after you think you voided your bowels (could relate to others things as well)
• The frequent and urgent need to pee
• Trouble getting or maintaining an erection

Some causes of these symptoms

• Overweight (causes a great many issues)
• Some surgeries can cause issues
• Ongoing constipation or straining to have a bowel movement
• Heavy and improper lifting, such as squats and lunges
• High impact exercise where both feet are off the ground at the same time

Dont stop doing it, baby

While some exercises can be prone to causing issues, it doesnt mean you need to stop them, only slightly change how they are done. Afterall, exercise is key to maintaining our health as we age. 

We have all heard the term Kegel exercises and it is usually associated with women. Men also can benefit from these exercises as they work the same muscle group. The best part is that you dont need a gym to perform them. Heck, you can do them sitting at your desk at work or talking to friends. And you should start to see improvements rather quickly. Usually around 4 – 6 weeks.

Now that you are all excited to learn how to do them, what are they, exactly? Here is a good and easy way to begin.

1. Sit, stand or lie in a comfortable position
2. Locate that muscle group by contracting the muscles around your anus and urethra like you if you are trying to hold back from peeing. It should create a slight squeezing sensation that causes your bits to contract upward. Dont tighten anything else. 
3. Breathe normally so as not to activate stomach, thighs, or butt muscles
4. Now that you found those muscles, squeeze and hold them for about 5-10 seconds. This could be difficult at first, so as long as you can manage. To help with this, squeeze hard and fast instead of a slow build
5. Relax the squeeze for 10 seconds. You should feel the release
6. Repeat this for 8-10 reps or whatever you can comfortably manage. 
7. That is one set of exercises. Repeat this for three sets daily. 

Cuz I’m stronger than yesterday

You have learned a couple ways to help increase the strength of these hard to see muscles, but how do you know how strong they are, to begin with? There is a simple test for this.

The next time you are at the urinal doing your thing, try to stop midstream. These are the pelvic floor muscles, If you are engaging them you should feel and see the contraction. Your penis and balls should contract and raise slightly as you do this. The stronger and more noticeable the contraction, the stronger the muscles should be.

Doctor Feelgood

For the most part, when we learn about health or talk to our doctors about it, it focuses on the big things. Things like heart, brain, kidneys, and such. Mental and sexual health are relegated to the bottom of the pile, whether it is our of fear of discussing or deeming it less than important. For men, sexual health is rarely discussed until its too late and rarely is there active discussion on what to look for or how to prevent it. It is my hope that this article gave you some foundation in things to discuss with your doctor and helped realize that every part of your health is important and needs to be addressed.

Do you have open line of communication with your doctor on any of these topics? If not, why haven’t you discussed them? If you actively engage your doctor about them, was this always the case or did something change to make it a priority? Did your upbringing help in discussing them or were you taught to not focus on them as it is a sign of weakness. Let me know in the comments below. Sharing your information may help others who are struggling with opening up to their physicians.