Does this sound familiar? You meet a new person, you have a deep interest in being with them.You talk and both agree to going out on a date. One leads to five and the excitement of the new relationship sweeps you both up in the feels. You both can’t wait to hang out again and just be together.
Flash forward in time, that new car appeal has slowly started to fade away. You still love being with them but the rush that was caused by the fresh excitement has also started to wane. You don’t go out on dates as much, your time together seems to shorten and there is always an excuse like work taking longer than normal, you have prior commitments, and etc. You both crave that spark you once had and wish you could get it back.
Does any of this sound somewhat familiar? It is normal, it happens to almost everyone. But what if I told you that rekindling that spark was as easy as it was as finding it in the beginning? What if I told you that you both only need to exert minimal effort to start to regain that fire once burned so intensely? Would you want that information? Well, you’re in luck, today we will discuss 7 Ways To Get That Spark Back.
Life gets in the way
I get it, life gets in the way and the hot dates you used to have with your partner seem to be fewer and further between. You constantly look for inspiration to rekindle that flame but you may be thinking too big. Sometimes all it takes is a few small things to explode that small spark back to a roaring fire of love/lust filled intensity.
The good news is that these ideas do not require elaborate planning, special locations, or even a lot of money. Anyone can do them and they are guaranteed to get you both back to being close and doing things together, again.
Even without the seven ideas below, you can start working to get that spark back by remembering what brought you both together in the first place. Simply sitting down, talking, and listening to each other starts to rebuild the bond that you both feel may be slipping. Work together to find space in your lives to do the things you both enjoy. All of these are the building blocks to keep your relationship fresh, new feeling, and full of sparks.
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I have heard from friends that once that spark starts to die it’s too hard to rekindle, if it can even be. To that I say, it is completely possible but it will take some work from you both and you have to find a way to work on it. The best way to work to achieve that is to choose love everyday.
Before we get too deep, let me state something here plainly. That spark you feel and want back so bad is a byproduct of a body produced cocktail full of sex hormones and those feel good brain chemicals, dopamine and norepinephrine. As your mind and body get used to how they make you feel, it takes more to keep the high going. If you aren’t working to keep that cocktail flowing then you “sober up” as it were. But that isn’t the only outcome. As these chemicals have less of an impact on you, you can start to see what it is about your partner that you truly love and want to have in your life.
Nourishing that relationship will allow your brain to kick back into the production of those chemicals and others that help facilitate attachment. Those chemicals are oxytocin and vasopressin. As these chemicals are produced you may even start to cultivate a lifelong closeness. Just remember that, as in all things, there will be ups and downs long the way.
A break in the chain
While it takes a bit of effort to work on rebuilding or continue building that relationship, it sometimes is easier to find things that will cause that relationship to end. It could be as easy as an overestimation of the expectation of a relationship or simply that your needs may not align. Those are the easier ways it can end, but there are others that are more trivial.
- Neglecting communication – I cannot stress this enough and have learned over my years, communication is ESSENTIAL. Poor communication can make it extremely hard to empathize with your partner. This breeds contempt and only fosters anger among you both over the smallest of issues.
- Not spending meaningful time together – when the spark starts to fade, its easy to throw up your hands and find things that are easier to do. You also think that you see one another everyday, so that should count for spending time together. This often leaves you feeling like roommates than lovers. Look for quality time together, even if it’s just a chat over coffee.
- Not appreciating one another – it is so easy to take one another for granted. Again, you see one another everyday so you don’t focus on the specialness of it. Not showing gratitude for one another will start to slowly erode away your intimacy.
- Breaking trust – when that boredom sits in, many people start to develop that wandering eye. This is the culmination of the previous three issues. You no longer feel safe with them. Infidelity and dishonesty are the byproducts that will kill the flame completely.
7 Ways to get that spark back
You are probably sitting there now thinking, :”Now what do I do? How can I get that spark back?” You are in luck, below you will find 7 Ways To Get The Spark Back with your partner.
7. Schedule a date night
This is one that my boyfriend and I still use. Most couples think that once you get serious and move in or get married that dating isnt needed any longer. That is not entirely true. There is a magic that comes from going out on a date. Pick a night of the week that you both can commit to, put it on a shared calendar so you both know it’s coming, and stick to it. This gives you the ability to pick out clothes to wear for the date and even plan a few surprises for one another. Ignore that the best dates or sex come from spontaneity, planning them out can build anticipation and excitement. Need a couple ideas? Why not try a picnic? They can be done almost anywhere with any type of food and drink. Even better, dont tell your partner that its going to be a picnic, show up to the place you picked and grab the basket and go, not their basket as that comes later. You can even opt for a picnic at home and make the dress code more enticing by wearing something more sexy.
If they (or you) travel for work a lot, why not make it a virtual date. This is also something I have tried. Pick a movie to watch together and host a viewing party on a streaming service. You can take it a step further and order dinner for one another through a delivery service, so you can share a meal. This has helped when Karl is traveling for work and we might be missing date night.
6. Take a walk on the wild side
There are plenty of ways to rekindle old bonds or strengthen the ones you have. Nothing works as well as shared physical activity. Pull on your favorite hiking books, grab some water, and snacks and get out into nature. Pick a favorite spot to share with them or find someplace new to create new memories. Remember that exercise raises endorphins, heart rates, and help create new bonds.
After your hike, you can head back home and share a hot soak in a tub to help ease those sore muscles from all the hiking. Few things are as intimate as sharing a hot bath together. It also has the handy result of kindling other kinds of sparks.
Exercise creates endorphins which make you feel good but exercising with your partner can take it to the next level. Watching each other stretch, bend, and flex as you work out has an added bonus of creating a level of desire. It may even spark a little competition so you show off for one another. Want to make it a bit spicer? You can make it where less clothing is better or none at all. Exercise like yoga often lends itself to a better state when done undressed. It removes the clothing from binding or pinching you. And hey, who doesnt love seeing their partner naked and contorted into fun positions.
Need an idea of workout routines? Here are five really good YouTube fitness channels to offer some inspiration (and a couple yoga ones for more ideas. Ashton King Official and Full Body Flow by Ashton King.
5. Hey good lookin’, what you got cooking
This is another tried and true method I have used. Karl and I love cooking together.We do meal prep for the week this way and we have also used it for cooking a date night. It creates a perfect time to talk and listen to one another and it also creates an intimate bond. You have a chance to play with spices and recipes. Heck, why not create something new? This will be a memory you can share later.
There are few things that create memories and meaning like shared meals. Italians have perfected this more than anyone else. To be invited to a meal with a friend, family, or lover is an expression of love, warmth, and affection. What better process to help rekindle that spark you feel you may have lost.
4. Hey DJ, drop that beat
Much like food, music has a direct correlation to memories, for many people. A song comes on the radio and you are instantly transported to an event that it reminds you of. A love song may waft in and suddenly you remember your first love and how that was your song. Its all there, emotional pathways created by simple notes, chords, and lyrics. Why not take it a step further.
Try creating a playlist for your partner.You may be thinking, “oh great, what does it have to be about?” That is the easy and fun part, it can be literally anything. Create a shared playlist for a long drive you both have planned. Maybe it’s a playlist for date night. Get them to create one, as well. Its a perfect start as almost everyone loves music. Make it more complex by creating playlists of songs that have lyrics that speak to a mood you want to create or that may be suggestive of what you would like them to do to you in bed. The sky or mind is the limit.
3. Get crafty with it
So you are running out of things to do, huh? You have tried dates, hiking, and even yoga but you still feel there could be more. What’s missing? You are in luck, many times the simplest things can create the most intense connections. It’s time to get creative.
Instead of the usual date night, why not head out to your local craft store, not looking at you Hobby Lobby and you know why, and find some supplies. Maybe it is one of those molding kits where you both clasp hands and sink into an epoxy that creates a mold that you then pour plaster into, Or maybe you want to try drawing or painting something.Just get outside of your comfort zone and give it a try
Painting is a great way to build a connection. Buy some small or even large canvas and some paints. Pick a topic to paint and go for it. Perhaps you want to do self portraits, this is your chance to put on your finest and strike an awesome pose. (Queue the Madonna music) Or you could go a step further and do body paints. While it would be easy to say just paint one another’s nude body, why not use your body to create the artwork on an old sheet. Cover your nude bodies in paint and get to work. You dont have the be the next Maplethrope or Tom of Finland, after all its about the connection and rekindling of that spark.
2. Set adrift on memory bliss
Sometimes the easiest way to rekindle that spark is simply remembering what brought you both together and the times you shared. This helps those pathways in the brain to shake off their cobwebs and start pumping those feel good chemicals while you trip down memory lane. There is even research that shows nostalgia is associated with greater relationship commitment, satisfaction and a sense of closeness that cant be achieved in other places.
How to get started on this? Well that is easy, as well. You could revisit the place where you both met or maybe somewhere significant to your relationship. Read old letters or cards given to one another. You could even find a small item that reminds you of something special between you both and give it to them as a gift. This gives you a chance to reflect with them why they mean so much to you.
1. Lets give them something to talk about
I save this for last because, as I said, it is the most important part of any relationship and it has been a key component of all other ways mentioned. Being able to clearly communicate with one another is the best way to help clarify any misunderstandings. Sitting down to talk calmly allows you both to share why something isnt right or what is working the best. If is the one sure fire way to share how you both feel.
These are essential in rekindling or building relationships. The best way to learn this is to start by learning to be a better listener and to be a more effective speaker without letting emotions take control.
Since I started therapy about two years ago, I have learned a lot about myself and my approach to things. This has been one of the most important things in ensuring the relationship I am in with my boyfriend is solid and constantly growing. It has allowed me to take my initial emotions out of the situation and look at them more objectively. It has also taught me that it is a good thing to take time and let things process before you talk about them. This gives you the chance to see if you were reacting to the situation or if it is truly how you feel.
Don’t put the cart in front of the horse
There you have it, 7 Ways To Get That Spark Back in your relationship. All the fuss and muss cut out of it and only giving you the tastiest of tidbits to help you along the way. Its not as hard as many would have you believe and it usually starts from the same place your relationship did, in the beginning… Communication.
How do you work to keep that spark in your relationship? Are there things you do that I did not mention, if so what are they? Share your thoughts and opinions below. Remember, the journey you have taken may be the guiding light someone else needs to find their way. Thank you for reading and until next time.
Gay in the CLE 